The Role of Our Mother

A typical family in the 1950s/60s. Maybe some of you will picture different kinds of families, but the family I am referring to was known as the  ‘Traditional American Family’.

In this family dynamic, the father was the natural, necessary and wanted authority. His wife and children loved him and greatly respected him. He worked hard, was strong in stature and merciful but appropriately just. When his children would misbehave, they would be brought to him and he would speak to them kindly and lovingly but would carry out the appropriate punishment to their act. There was no arguing with his final word because that’s what it was - a final word. Despite this necessary role of judge, his children would eagerly await his arrival home each day, would joyfully show him their works from school and seek his approval in all other areas of their lives. His wife would see him pull in the driveway and shout ‘children! Daddy is home!’ and everyone would stop what they were doing and excitingly rush to the door to greet him. He would be given big hugs and kisses as he walked through the door and hung his hat on the rack. He would gather the children on his knees and ask them about their day while his wife fixed him a drink. They would all sit in the living room and joyfully hear about his day.

Imagining this brings such warmth to my heart and is what I consider to be ‘wholesome’. As the child, your father is your idol. You want to constantly make him proud of you because that’s how much his opinion means to you. You want to tell him all your successes but can also share with him your fears and know he will lovingly take you in his arms and hear all about it. He will never make you feel like you shouldn’t have come to him or that your feelings are invalid. You also have a fear of him when you do something wrong, knowing that, because of who he is, he will scold you appropriately. 

What I want to bring your attention to now is the mother. Her role is not as prominent as the father nor does she want it to be. She is simple and soft and kind. Just as the child, there is so much love and respect she has for her husband. She, too, eagerly awaits his arrival home each day and joyfully thinks about his needs throughout the day. She smiles and lovingly looks on as he gathers the children in his arms and hears about their day. Through the excitement and conversation, he looks up at her, smiles and gives her a wink as to say ‘hi honey’. 

When in trouble, the mother worries for her children knowing her husband is a just man. She prepares them to meet with him and reminds them that their dad loves them, but must do what is right. She silently and eagerly waits outside the room for her children and is there to comfort them after the punishment has been decided. She cries with them while holding them in her arms, reassuring them all is well.

The level of intimacy and relationship between the father and mother is not known to the children. Each is so focused on their own relationship with their father and mother that the little things, like the smile and wink, go unnoticed by them. They know their mother and father love each other because of their level of respect and teamwork for each other. The father joyfully goes to the grocery store at the request of the mother because he knows she asks with a purpose. 

In our spiritual life, the dynamic is the same. God and Jesus, being our Father and the Just Judge, Mary, our loving and soft Mother and us, Brothers and Sisters in the Kingdom of Heaven. 

Of course, we can absolutely go directly to our Father and tell Him all our successes and worries. He will never make us feel like we shouldn’t have come to him or that our feelings are invalid. We strive to please Him because we know how important His opinion is of us: ‘Well done my good and faithful servant’ Matthew 25:21. 

Mary is our loving Mother. She watches over you, she loves you and she prays for you. Imagine how powerful her request was at the Wedding Feast of Cana that she was able to change the plans of our Lord as He says ‘My hour has not yet come’ (John 2:4) yet grants her request anyway knowing now His public ministry has begun. ‘What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which He revealed His glory; and his disciples believed in Him’ John 2:11.

Just as then, when you take your requests and sufferings to Mary, she prepares you, encourages you and brings you and your requests to the Father. Her role is not to take away from Him in any way, shape or form. Rather, she is there as a support for you. ‘Seeing his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing near her, Jesus said to his mother, 'Woman, behold thy son'. Then to the disciple he said: 'Behold your mother'. And from that hour the disciple took her into his home' John 19:25-27.

We are that disciple. He has given His own mother to us to care for us as she did for Him from childhood to Calvary. And oh, how she cares for us so deeply.

Mother Mary, pray for us. 

May God Bless you and the Peace of Christ surround you.

- A